


How the Chitauri Stole Christmas

by ReadingBlueWolf



Series: Three Card Monte [2]
Category: Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-21
Updated: 2013-01-21
Packaged: 2017-11-26 09:04:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 19,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/648898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReadingBlueWolf/pseuds/ReadingBlueWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How do you celebrate the holidays in the aftermath of hell?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Costco's Always Prepared

**Author's Note:**

> This is written in response to Aiko Isari's Advent Calendar Challenge on Fanfiction. The goal was to write 24 short little fics (between 100-1000 words) for any fandom, any pairing, any rating you'd like, even though up to T would be nice. On the 25th day write a full oneshot (1000-5000 words) to finalize it.

"Don't you love this time of year?"

Her eyes shifted towards the archer as her heart thumped a bit harder. "It's kind of ruined."

"How do you figure?"

"Christmas stuff has been out since August."

"They want people to be ready."

"They want people to buy their products and take away the joy of only having a few weeks. Seriously, Clint, it's all about the money. And Costco's had stuff out since August. It's disgusting."

"But can't you feel it now in the air and see it in the streets, Tash?"

Natasha hesitated. If she was honest with him, she would tell him she didn't like what she saw. While the cleanup had gone well after the Chitauri invasion, the evidence was not only still etched on buildings and the like, but on every face as well. Rubble still lined the streets, making it hazardous for kids to play in the snow. Businesses were still attempting to rebuild their shops, and people would be spending their first Christmas without their loved ones. How was this a special time of year?

"Those lost continue on in memory," he said softly.

She realized then that she was blinking back tears. Of course, Clint would notice. That's when the real issue reared its head. She had almost lost him. If she had, she'd be in that group of mourners, weeping the lost. It was something she couldn't handle and her heart broke for those who were forced into that situation.

"You okay, Tash?"

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Course. I'm just not ready for Christmas."

_*CSC*CSC*CSC*_

Steve walked the aisles of the packed wholesale provider. He wasn't surprised that the store was packed on a Saturday. It was when many people were off work and needed to gather groceries for the coming week—or weeks. He had come with Banner and Stark, but they had wandered off.

Steve rounded an aisle and came across a faux Christmas tree. He remembered the days when he had gone to pick a Christmas tree out of the forest and cut it down. The world had changed drastically while he had slept. It was no longer simple. If he could, he'd hand Fury another ten bucks.

_*CSC*CSC*CSC*_

Soft fabric ran under his fingers. He loved the feeling of fresh clothes. It was a luxury to someone like him. In all cases, if he allowed himself to get too overworked he destroyed the fabric that normally covered his body. Banner sometimes envied those with a normal way of life—ones who took clothes for granted.

He picked up a shirt and gazed at it longingly. If he knew he wouldn't end up destroying it one day, he would gladly purchase the shirt. A sigh left his lips. He knew all too well that just like everything else, however, he would destroy the clothing as well.

_*CSC*CSC*CSC*_

Tony grazed through the aisle, sampling different foods. In some cases, he doubled back around to sample a second time. Finding food to fill the tower with, gave him something else to think about. He didn't like when his mind wandered back towards all the damage the Chitauri and Loki had caused. Those moments, when his thoughts entered the past allowed him to see all his short comings. He should have seen from the beginning where Loki intended to take the cube.

He realized then, he was frozen in the middle of an aisle. He took a deep breath as he grabbed a second helping of the mini éclairs. He would have to grab a few boxes of these. One box would go for everyone, while the others would be for Thor. Point Break would enjoy them immensely.


	2. Two Turtle Doves

He needed to get out of the tower. He couldn't stand any longer to be around Stark and his sarcastic remarks, nor Barton and Romanoff on the couch. No one had seen him leave—Thor had been busy devouring the mini éclairs, and Banner had been reading a new science magazine.

He pulled his brown leather jacket tighter as he made for the park. The lights had just begun to twinkle and he could hear the bells from carriage rides over the crunching of snow beneath his boots.

Entering the park—blanketed in white—he looked up to find icicles hanging from the trees. Soft lights and silver tinsel wrapped around the poles of lamps glowing gently in the dying light. Something about the entire scene took his breath away. Despite the destruction which still seemed to devour the city like an angry monster, this place was covered by beauty.

"Needed to get away from Tony?"

Steve turned to find Banner walking up behind him. "Evening, doctor. I didn't know anyone had followed me."

"Well, I happen to hear you walk out, and then Tony made some obscene remark in reference to when I should Hulk out. He was moving onto Barton and Natasha and how they were two turtle doves when I walked out."

Steve turned to walk with Banner. "He seems to have gotten worse in his remarks, but at least he's staying away from the bottle."

"He's dealing with everything just as we are. His comments are—"

"I know they're just defense mechanisms," Steve cut in. "For once I wish he would understand everyone is going through a rough time."

"You're expecting Tony Stark to have empathy?"

"I know I'm better off eating my shield."

Banner chuckled. He then took a breath which left mist lingering in the chilly air. "We're all dealing with this in different ways."

Steve rubbed his hands together and blew on them. "He really called Barton and Romanoff turtle doves?"

"I'm pretty sure he received a pistol in the face. I didn't stay around to watch. He might be dead by the time we return."

"Serves him right," responded Steve. "I don't think they want to be referred to as a couple quite yet."

Banner allowed a silence to lapse between them interrupted only by the sound of their feet on the snow. When he finally spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper. "Do you ever wish things had turned out differently?"

"What do you mean, Doctor?"

"Exactly what I said, differently; that you had never gone down with that plane nor had to leave loved ones behind, or anything that meant you would be somewhere else today."

"The world needed me."

"But don't we need a moment to be selfish?"

Steve took in a large breath and coughed. He wasn't prepared for the frozen air that filled his lungs. He then moved toward the pond and stopped; looking over its frozen surface. Banner moved beside him. "If I hadn't put the plane in the water, innocent lives would have been lost, just as they were in the invasion. I don't regret it, nor would I change it. I do, however, wish I had gotten that dance."

"Dance?"

"Her name was Peggy. I owed her a dance."

"Special to you?"

Steve nodded.

"Your turtle dove."

He jammed his hands into his pockets. Despite the remark being a statement, he still gave Banner another nod. Again, silence lapsed between the two heroes. Steve looked at him. "How about you, doc? Who was the turtle dove you lost?"

Banner's eyes seemed a million miles away and for a moment he wondered if the doctor would respond. "Her name's Elizabeth, Betty for short. We were colleagues, eventually more. Then, the Hulk took over." He turned to Steve, a sad smile on his lips. "I'm lucky to have known her."

A small smile appeared at the corners of Steve's lips, like the beginning of spring after a long and harsh winter. "You know, we are lucky to have had loved ones in our lives. There are some who will never have that luxury. In an odd way, it makes sense that we're the ones to lose people we care about."

Banner straightened up. "I'm not exactly sure I follow that line of thought, Steve."

"Think about it. People look to us in dark times. Right now for many, it's very dark times. Their loved ones were torn from them in the worst possible way. We know what it's like to go through that. We can show these people you can make it through; that at the end of the day, there is hope and they can be happy."

Banner looked back over the lake. He finally nodded. "And perhaps by helping them, it will help us in return."


	3. Grown Up Christmas List

Natasha watched as men frosted the tower's windows. Despite Stark's attitude, he seemed to secretly enjoy the season. Perhaps it was because he could have another excuse to drink.

She currently sat curled up on the couch; warm cocoa cradled in her hands. Her eyes followed the lines as a man drew out a shape on the window. The figure was large, with cherry-red cheeks, eyes that seemed to glitter, and a wide grin hidden beneath a bushy, snowy white beard. Red clothes, black boots and a red hat with a cotton ball on the end brought the man to life. Her eyes dropped to her cocoa.

Santa is for children, she told herself. Her fingers ran over the white glass mug as she repeated this mantra again and again. Despite forcing herself to settle for that answer, her mind wandered to the past.

She had been seven at the time. Snow blanketed the frosty ground. Whispers of war had reached the small village. Fear had risen and spread like wildfire. In the hours before Christmas, she found herself on the outskirts of town. A large, jolly man in red had walked on the edge of the dark and cold forest. She approached him, believing he was the one of stories. She asked—no begged—for him to keep her family safe and warm during the uncertain times.

She was older now, but as she watched the image come to life before her, her wish remained the same. Clint, Steve, Banner, Thor, they were all her family now. Even Stark she would include. She bit her bottom lip. They had been through so much, and if something happened to any of them… She didn't know if how well she would hold it together. After a quick inhale, she glanced around to make sure she was alone. Being satisfied that it was just her, she looked back at her mug.

"I know I'm not longer a child," she whispered. "But if you can hear me, whoever you are—Santa, Baba Yaga, Buddha, God— please grant my wish. It's not for me. It's for those I care about, and even those I don't know."

The steam from her cup was fast disappearing. Steady breaths filled her lungs, as she attempted to remain reserved.

"I ask that you are with everyone this holiday season. So many lives have been torn apart, so many tears shed, so many innocents lost… Please be with all those who are hurting and confused as to how to go on. This was never how holidays were meant to be spent. It's been eight months and the wounds are still so fresh. Please help the broken-hearted, the lost, and the lonely."

Her eyes rose to the Santa in front of her. "Please help us all."


	4. Seeing A Bit of Green

From across the room he couldn't help but watch her out of the corner of his eye as she spoke to Banner. Those two had formed some sort of bond during the invasion while he was gone—time he spent as a marionette. Since then, the doctor and she had spoke often in low tones that she used to use with only him. He shouldn't feel jealous; there was no reason too. But he did. He did not want her sharing those little moments with anyone but him.

He sighed, turning to the glass of frosty egg nog in his hand. He hadn't been like this before the attack. He hadn't cared whom she spoke with. He knew that no matter what they would be close partners. Now, he felt strangely misplaced. His mind began to visualize a puzzle and he was a piece that didn't fit.

He hated what Loki had done to his mind. The psycho had played him like a fiddle and he had been helpless against it. He felt that he had lost Natasha as a consequence. Perhaps Banner had stepped up and been there for her when he couldn't be. Perhaps she had found a closer partner in him. Perhaps she was—

"What's wrong, Clint?" Her gentle voice broke through his clouded thoughts.

His eyes rose to meet hers. "What?"

"I can see that look in your eyes, Barton. What's going on?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. I'm fine."

"Is lying to me a smart idea?"

"It depends on what I'm hiding."

She studied him for a while before responding. "This is about Loki and his mind games."

"It wasn't a mind game. He was literally inside my mind forcing me to see things his way, making me reveal things I would never say."

"Things like what?"

"Things… About you. Sao Paulo, the hospital fire—"

She held up her hand. "I know he did that. You can't blame yourself, though. You didn't know what Loki would do to you with that glowing stick."

"But I should have—"

"None of us knew what was coming. It wasn't your fault. And we can't keep blaming ourselves for past mistakes. We've all made errors in this mess. We all have things we regret and would redo, but we can't focus on that. And Christmas isn't about blaming yourself, Clint. It's about spending it with those you love. We should consider ourselves fortunate that we have that blessing. Others aren't as lucky."


	5. White as Snow

Maria Hill walked into the tower. Her eyes took in the scene before her. Banner was walking into the kitchen for food. Natasha and Clint were speaking softly in a corner. She wondered momentarily what it would be like to have someone by her side like that.

Shaking her head, she focused. Stark was her target today. She had to ask him in person. He hadn't been returning phone calls. Again. However, her breath lodged in her throat when her eyes came across a familiar brown-haired man.

He was handsome with beautiful blue eyes. The super solider serum had done wonders to his physique. After more than seventy years of being alive he didn't look a day over twenty-five. Her heart fluttered against her ribs. She wouldn't mind speaking softly in corners with him.

The only issue was… He had never really given her the time of day. She doubted he even knew who she was, but that didn't mean she couldn't ogle. He was beautiful, and plenty of girls would love to place claim on him.

"Hill."

She startled momentarily and looked to her left. Tony stood near the elevator, apparently awaiting her. She had heard he had some sort of computer system that watched the tower. "Hello Mr. Stark, I'm here on behalf of SHIELD and Director Fury—"

"Save your speech for someone who cares. I said no to hosting your little shin-dig."

"We'll pay for everything and give you a nice little—"

"You're saying you'll pay me for the space?"

"Handsomely."

Stark smirked. "Hill, I own this place and I'm one of the richest men in the world, I don't need your money. I don't want your money. The answer is no. Now get out."

Maria took a deep breath to respond, but then thought better of it. She turned and walked back towards the elevator. Her eyes sought the captain out once more.

"That's never going to happen in a million years." Starks voice was quiet. "He's too good and pure for you, for any of us really. Don't even dream."

The doors slowly slid opened allowing her to enter. Keeping her mind blank, she reached the bottom and walked through the lobby to the snow filled streets. Her shoulders slumped.

Stark was right. Captain America was better than any of them. The man should be revered. He had done so much for his country and sacrificed even more. There was no match for that man.

Stark might have almost died sending the nuke into the portal, but it was Captain America that led the charge. He directed the steps and made the tough decisions, and he always chose right. He deserved more than any of them could offer.

Her eyes dropped to the snow crunching beneath her feet. A new realization hit her and she sighed. Steve was as pure and as white as snow. In being so, he was often trampled on and just like the white beauty beneath her feet was left with stains, so was he. That's what had happened in the war and that's how it had been in the attack.

Fury had used all of the Avengers, but he couldn't have done it without Steve. The innocent were always exploited and abused.


	6. Time Off

This time of year was always difficult. So many wanted time off with their families and he couldn't grant it to all of them. Seniority did apply in most cases, but there was the odd exception here or there. A few newer agents had just gotten married or had a baby. The holidays meant their first as a family. Others would have to be denied for those who were experiencing first joys.

It was hard to be a S.H.I.E.L.D agent and have a family, God bless those that did. And he always prided himself on trying to be fair. While Christmas Eve and Christmas he kept as mandatory holidays, when they received more time off was sporadic at best.

He stopped at one point in the grueling task and rubbed his good eye. This year would be hard for many. It seemed so trivial that the agents bickered over who got what time off when in reality, some families wouldn't be spending time with their loved ones ever again.

He already felt that his Christmas would be a melancholy one. Coulson was one of his best agents. He trusted and respected the man greatly. The nut job Loki had done away with him so brutally. Despite the eight months that had passed, the wound was still so fresh. With Coulson gone, one of his closest allies would no longer spend the holidays with him.

As he finished the schedule, he said a quiet blessing for the others who were feeling the same as him. Christmas would never be the same, and one less light would be shining on the tree.


	7. First Steps

Bruce looked through the winter wonderland painting at those inside. They laughed and talked. They were warm and toasty. They were among family. This was always how it was. He was always outside looking in. After this long he didn't mind, but just once he would do anything to be among friends. Despite recent occurrences, the fact remained he was an outcast. In reality, they all were. The media plastered their faces across screens worldwide claiming they were heroes.

You were never exposed to the dark side. The nightmares that kept you up at night, the battles that you wonder if you'd walk back from, the looks from people after you were exposed... Hero was a great term, but it came with a heavy price.

Steve had missed out on seventy years of living. Thor's father, Odin, did not like him meddling in the affairs of earth. He, himself, could never have a relationship with someone for fear of injuring them in a moment of rage.

As he thought over how they were affected, he paused at Stark. Tony didn't seem nearly as affected as he should be.

The man had a metal piece in his chest to keep himself alive. The woman he loved was all but falling into his chauffeur's arms and he didn't do a thing about it. On top of that, Stark was disconnected from the entire group. If he hadn't put the winter wonderland up Banner would have suspected he was Scrooge straight from the story.

He sighed, a mist of white rolled from his lips. His eyes dropped to the snow-covered deck. Regardless of what was going on they were all attempting to deal with this. They all had their own ways of working through issues. He knew he did. It was the reason he was on the outside looking in, like always.

He didn't belong in the general population. He belonged in an isolated place, far from humans. That was the only way to keep everyone safe. Why he was still here eight months after the attack was beyond him. He should be gone by now.

"Banner!"

He glanced up to the door where Steve was waving at him. He watched as Tony moved to the door way.

"Come on, big guy," Tony called. "I prefer you don't Hulk out up here, because you're trying not to die of hypothermia. I like my new patio."

He lingered in the snow and cold. Go inside?

"Come on, doctor. You're missing out on the food and fun. Put your thoughts away for now."

He should go inside where it was warm. He made to put a foot forward, but found himself hesitating. Why was it so difficult to make those few first steps towards the door? Why couldn't he walk inside like a normal person? That's when the light bulb went on.

He didn't consider himself a normal person. He had convinced himself he was a brutal monster; believed it for years now. By going indoors and warming up with everyone; that was going to go against his beliefs. If he walked inside it meant that he was just like them.

Wasn't he though? Wasn't he just like them? The same hero actions that brought them together now linked them. Despite becoming the other guy they could still understand what he had gone through. They knew the pain he was feeling, and the loss that ate at him. They knew all about the nightmares that kept him awake at night. For the first time in his life, he had people who understood the things he went through. They knew what it was like to be an outcast. They wouldn't turn him away.

Taking one last breath of the chilly air, he forced his foot forward.


	8. Shampoo Cleans the Hair

"I still don't understand why we needed to buy Stark something for Christmas."

"Still mad at him for the forest trip?"

The look she gave him turned his veins to ice.

"I was joking, Natasha."

"I didn't find it funny."

Clint cleared his throat as he grabbed a pair of black stretchy pants. "Do you think Banner would like these?"

Her blue eyes studied the pants and then him. "I think he has enough stretchy pants. He probably needs a stretchy shirt at this point."

"Do they make those?"

Natasha shook her head and turned towards another rack of clothing. "How about this for Thor?"

Clint glanced over. She held up a large t-shirt with an Under Armor logo.

"For when he works out?" she questioned.

Clint shrugged, moving towards another aisle; Natasha in pursuit. "I don't know what we should get him."

"Does he even celebrate Christmas?"

"He's going to with us this year. Didn't you hear him the other day between bites of éclairs?"

"I'm not sure anyone could make out what he was saying."

Clint shook his head as he continued searching the aisle.

"I wish Thor was as easy as Stark is."

Clint glanced at her. His brow rose a few inches.

"Not like that." Natasha narrowed her eyes. "I mean, you get the man a Scotch bottle and he's good for a day."

He smirked. "That is true."

She moved next to him as they walked through the store. "On a side note, do you think something's strange with Stark?"

"What do you mean?"

"He decorated the windows, but he told Fury no on the Christmas party."

"Natasha, if I had a place as large as his and Fury wanted to hold a party there, I'd say no too."

"Why?"

Clint paused halfway down a health and beauty aisle. He looked at her. "First, it's Fury. Second, I wouldn't want that many S.H.I.E.L.D. agents in my place. Third, imagine the clean up. I'd say no, too. I don't blame him."

She smirked. "You're not a people person."

"And you are, Widow?"

"Fair point."

Clint smiled at her before turning his sights on the shelves. His grin widened as he grabbed a bottle of Tresemme shampoo. "This is what I was thinking we should get Thor."

Natasha chuckled. "We could get him both."

"That is a great idea."


	9. Dysfunctional Tree Findings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is as odd as its name. Be forewarned, I have no answers for it.

"How about that one?"

"Are you trying to get the Charlie Brown tree, Stark? They sell those you know."

"Excuse me, Nat-a-lie. I was just trying to find something that met your needs."

Clint straightened and lowered his glasses to glance anxiously between Natasha and Tony.

Natasha looked over at him. "He didn't mean it like that, Clint. Calm down."

"She wants that rumor to be true," Stark responded moving towards another tree.

"What tale do you speak of, Man of Iron?"

Stark looked towards Thor. "Just certain… tapes…"

"The tapes of you and Lady Natasha? I have heard of these moving pictures. Loki spoke of them."

"They aren't true, Thor," Stark responded.

"Nothing Loki states is ever fact." Thor shrugged and swung his hammer in a circle.

Stark's brow rose slightly. He shook his head and turned to the trees again. He issued toward one."How about that tree?"

"That's even worse than the previous tree." Natasha shook her head.

"Is nothing good enough for you?"

Steve sighed as Natasha and Stark began to argue. If he had known there would be endless amounts of bickering, he wouldn't have suggested they all go look for a tree. He glanced at Banner, who was to the right of him. His head lolled forward as he released a large sigh before turning toward Steve. Banner seemed to be enjoying the tree hunt as much as he was.

"Well, this has been fun. I'm almost sad I missed out on this as a child."

"My family was never like this, doc." Steve looked over as Natasha took out a gun and pointed it at Stark.

"How dare you insinuate I made up the rumor about the sex tape!" Natasha snarled.

Banner shook his head. "Fifty bucks says she shoots him."

"The bet should be placed on where she shoots him," Steve responded.

Banner chuckled and shifted his feet as the argument before them escalated. "You know, despite this tree ordeal, it hasn't been a bad month so far."

"You don't have to lie, doc."

"Think about it for a moment," Banner said. "We're dealing with the effects of the invasion. We have each other to depend on. These fights we're having are fights any normal family would have."

Steve rubbed a gloved hand on the back of his neck. "I suppose that's a good way to look at our 'team'. We're one big family."

"A very dysfunctional one."

"And Stark's the black sheep."

"No, in twenty years, he's the creepy uncle hitting on the younger nieces."

Steve laughed. "Actually, that's very fitting."

"Hey," Stark snapped, turning towards them. "I heard that."

"We're not done with this argument!" Natasha growled.

"Why did I get the creepy uncle card?" asked Stark.

"Do you really need to ask?" Steve responded.

"Yeah! Creeper does not go well with the title playboy."

Clint shrugged. "Hugh Heffner pulls it off."

"Quite literally, in fact," added Banner.

"Who is this Heffner you speak of?" Thor raised an eye brow.

"Are you over your fight with Natasha?" Banner questioned, quickly changing topics.

Steve startled as a gunshot went off. The entire group turned and looked at Natasha.

She twirled the gun in her hand. "If we're saying this is a family, who would I be?"

"The slut Smurf. What's her name? Whorette?" Tony questioned.

She aimed her gun at his head. "Lay off, Stark."

"You are kind of like Smurfette though." Banner shrugged.

"What's a smurf?" Steve asked.

"They're little blue men—and in one case a woman—that are three apples tall," Stark replied.

Clint shook his head as Natasha holstered her gun and Banner let out a long sigh.

"What realm are they from, Man of Iron? I have not heard of these creatures," Thor stated.

"Never heard of them? What kind of Norse God are you?" Tony questioned. "Everyone knows they come from Le Pays Maudit. They're hunted by the evil Gargamel who owns a cat name Azrael."

"They are hunted you say? We must go to their aide!"

Banner stepped forward. "Don't believe a word he says, Thor. It was a comic and cartoon. It is not real."

"They are shown on the box with moving pictures and their legends are told in books?" Thor's brow twisted in confusion.

"They're not real, Thor," Clint said. "It was something made for the entertainment of children."

"Like My Little Ponies," Natasha added.

"The ponies that speak of friendship and magic? So, they are only used for morals as well?" Thor questioned.

"You thought the ponies were real?" asked Banner.

Natasha let out a loud sigh. "Let's just pick the tree and get out of here. I'm cold."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a random fact, Marvel actually put out a mini-series on the Smurfs.


	10. Questions for the Tree

Banner stood on a ladder, stringing lights across the room. As he pinned the last strand to the ceiling, he turned to see the other Avengers throughout the tower.

Thor sat at the bar with another box of mini éclairs. He hadn't stopped eating them since they had come into the tower at the beginning of the month. Clint was hanging stockings from the fire-place Tony had installed when he remodeled the place. He had six of the seven stockings up so far.

The fight the day before seemed to have been forgotten as Natasha directed Steve and Tony where to position the tree so it stood straight. Unfortunately, they had been dealing with it for over an hour now, and tensions were beginning to run high. At least guns hadn't been pulled yet, and slurs were still holstered in their mouths.

After they had arrived home last night, Banner had watched as the group floated around the tower. All of them had remained in the living room as the frost from earlier arguments melted. Well, all of them except for Tony. He had retreated to his workshop and barred anyone from entering. This had gotten Banner thinking.

Tony had been the one to start the fight yesterday. Natasha had pointed to several Noble and Douglas Fir trees that would have all equally looked lovely in the tower. Tony had shot every last one of them down. When told to pick out the tree himself, he had half-heartedly pointed to depressed looking ones. When Natasha had finally spoken up about the issue, Tony turned the problem back on her.

Very Stark-esque.

Upon further reflection, he realized the entire fight had been centered on the very thing they now worked to make straight. Banner couldn't place it, but the tree seemed to hold special meaning to Tony. He didn't know why, however, Steve might hold the key.

As he descended the ladder, Steve stepped away from the tree. The man was clearly fed up with the entire process and excused himself to the kitchen. Thanking his few lucky stars, Banner pursued him there.

"Having fun yet, Cap?"

"Not enough." Steve grabbed a cup of coffee and leaned against the counter.

He approached him and crossed his arms. "I thought Christmas memories were all about these times?"

"With Natasha and Tony arguing every three seconds, I seem to forget we're supposed to be celebrating."

Banner moved a hand to the back of his neck. "I was wondering about that. Does Stark seem a bit—"

"Callous?" Steve offered up.

"In so many words."

"He's not direct about it, but he's definitely been a bit cruel lately."

"Why do you think that is?"

Steve shrugged. "Hard to say, Banner. I suppose he's dealing with something."

"What could he be dealing with? He's obviously shut the Pepper issue out. We can all see that she's been spending time with Happy."

"I think she's trying to get him to open his eyes." Steve remained quiet for a moment before letting out a soft sigh. "This conversation stays between us, Doctor?"

Banner nodded.

"Promise?"

"Promise, Steve. Not a word leaves my mouth."

Steve gently placed the mug on the counter and lowered his voice. "Starks been a bit tunnel minded lately. He's closed himself off from all of us. I can't figure out why. He won't say anything. I know he locks himself in his workshop, but he doesn't work on any projects. I've heard Pepper mention it in passing. I don't even think she knows. In all honesty, I'm not sure what could be setting him off. I haven't seen him react to anything."

"Anything but the tree."

"The tree?"

"Yesterday," Banner said, making himself a warm mug of coffee. "The fight between Natasha and him was due to that tree. He placed the blame on her, but he only got mad when she commented about him choosing a Charlie Brown tree."

Steve paused momentarily. "What kind of tree did they argue over?"

"What kind didn't they argue over? He turned down all of them."

"No, not all of them. What were the types Natasha had been suggesting, again?"

"Noble or Douglas."

Steve glanced about the room. His mind seemed to be running on all cylinders as he processed this information. "The tree he finally agreed to; the one we came home with. That's a Grand Fir, isn't it?"

"I guess so. That's what Tony said it was." Banner shrugged. "Does it matter?"

"He would choose the Grand Fir." Steve picked up his coffee mug and took a sip. He shook his head and looked at Banner. "This Christmas is going to be tough for all of us. We've been through a lot. I know it seems odd, but go easy on Stark. I don't know what he's dealing with, but it's probably not good."

Steve walked out of the kitchen as shouts from the living room rose. Natasha and Tony were arguing again, and whatever Steve thought was wrong with Tony, he kept to himself.

Banner sighed, and remained in the kitchen preferring to stay hidden while he drank his coffee.


	11. The Cookie Crumbles

Steve scrapped the sides of the bowl as he mixed the powder into liquid. His eyes glanced towards a counter near the stove which was piled high with cookies. He wasn't sure why they were baking so many, but Natasha felt the need to keep baking—which was odd for her. The others had respectfully agreed, although Thor now sat by the cookies and attempted to make the pile smaller.

Natasha had banned him from assisting the group after a large bag of flour ended up dusting the entire kitchen from floor to ceiling in a powdery white.

He looked over at Banner who sat measuring the ingredients precisely. He was working as if one mistake would blow up the entire tower. Clint sat placing cookies on pans. Every few minutes Natasha would hit him to remind him now was not the time to eat cookie dough. Natasha sat timing the cookies and mixing more batter.

Tony was nowhere to be found. He had been missing since the tree went up yesterday. It was probably for the best since anytime Natasha and he were in the same room, it neared World War III status.

Steve put down his spoon and bowl. Flexing his fingers, he decided it was time to take a quick walk. He excused himself from the kitchen and sought the study. Upon entering, he saw Pepper sitting at an oak desk looking over files. He assumed it was paperwork on the green buildings created by the arc reactor. He cleared his throat as he approached. She glanced up and plastered a smile on her face—typical Pepper.

"Hello Steve. How are you?"

"Fine, ma'am. How are you doing?"

"Can't complain." She chuckled softly. The sound seemed hollow. "Tony's keeping me busy as usual."

He sat in a chair on the opposite side of the desk. "How are you handling that?"

"Same as always. I do what must be done."

Steve ran his hand over the wooden arm rest. "If you don't mind me questioning, Miss Potts, is everything between Stark and you okay?"

"Why would you ask that, Steve?"

"I may be living in a completely different century, but I notice the way you look at Happy. Its how you should be looking at Stark."

Pepper chuckled again—humorlessly. "Tony and I are fine. Every relationship has its ups and downs. It's a rough Christmas for us all. I can't imagine what you're dealing with." She shook her head.

"Well, ma'am, God gave us strength to handle the issues we're dealing with."

"Did he also allow the Chitauri to destroy half of New York?"

"It's all in accordance with His will. He provides comfort and angels to those who are dealing with the tragedy. Bad things do happen, it allows us to grow stronger and He is there to walk with us in those times."

Pepper looked away.

"Where is Stark?"

She shrugged and huffed. "Probably hiding in his workshop. Like always."

"Do you know what's wrong with him?"

"Steve, he doesn't even realize he has an issue."

He nodded and rose. Despite what Pepper said, Steve had a feeling Stark knew exactly what was wrong with himself. "Well, I'll let you get back to work, ma'am. There are cookies for whenever you need a break. Natasha made enough to feed all the troops."

"Thanks."

He nodded as the icy tension invaded his bones. As he left the room, warmth spread across his body again. Pepper did not want to discuss Stark, nor the fact that she did have an eye for Happy. It wasn't his business though.

As he walked back to the kitchen, the scent of the tree reached his nose. He glanced toward it and paused. In front of the tree stood Tony, gazing at it, a melancholy look in his eyes. Between the ornaments and lights, the tree was probably worth half a million dollars. None of this seemed to matter to Tony. His fingers slowly ran across the small leaves, focusing solely on those.

Steve watched as Tony closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath of the fragrant tree. With shoulders slumped, his eyes opened again and he resumed caressing the branches, his mind obviously somewhere else.

Steve quietly walked up behind him, and placed a hand on his shoulder. Tony startled and looked at him. His blue-brown eyes narrowed, before he shrugged off the gesture and left for the elevator without a word. A soft chime told Steve he was gone.

He sighed and glanced towards the kitchen. Natasha stood at the door, spoon frozen mid-turn in another batch of cookie dough. Her eyes studied Steve momentarily before they turned to the floor. She shook her head and moved the spoon slowly in circles again.

For the first time, Steve wondered if joy would be found by everyone this Christmas.


	12. Santa of Secrets

"Let's play Secret Santa."

Natasha turned from the television—which was playing Miracle on 34th Street—to look at Banner with eyes wide.

"Why are you looking at me like I've just turned into the other guy?"

"You want us to play Secret Santa?" she questioned.

"Why not?"

"Yeah, Tash, why not?" Clint smirked.

"Call me Tash again and you'll have a bullet through your skull."

"What is this Santa of Secrets?" questioned Thor. "Is it like the man on the glowing box?"

"If it's still played the same, it's a gift game," Steve responded. "Everyone playing has their name in a hat. Everyone draws a name and doesn't share whose name they drew. Then for the five days before Christmas you buy little gifts for your person and then on Christmas reveal who you had with a larger gift."

"Thanks, Wing Tips, because that wasn't more confusing than it needed to be," Stark remarked and swirled his scotch around his glass.

"I thought you were done drinking?" asked Natasha.

"Who here's going to stop me?" Stark glanced around. "See? No one."

"So, are we serious about playing Secret Santa? I'll definitely play," Clint said, attempting to deflect a fight.

"You won't get your Turtle Dove," said Stark. "Do you still want to play, Clinty?"

"I think it's wise if you put away your drink, Stark."

"Make me, Legolas."

Steve rose from his seat on the couch. "Okay, let's just grab a hat or bucket—"

"Empty bottle of Scotch," murmured Clint.

"I'll get a piece of paper and write out the names." Natasha walked into the kitchen. She placed her hands on the counter and sighed. Her head bowed. If Stark didn't change his attitude soon, she would have to shoot him in the face. She glanced up as Steve entered.

"How's the paper hunt going, Natasha?"

She blinked at him. "It's…"

"I didn't think you came in here to get paper."

"Did I make it that obvious?"

"Are you really asking this question?"

Natasha sighed and leaned back on the counter. "He just won't leave me alone. It's like he blames me about the Chitauri mess."

"Stark?"

"Who else would I be talking about, Cap?"

Steve shrugged. "Where did you get that idea?"

"You haven't seen the fights we've had when you're not around." Natasha opened a few drawers and took out paper and a pen. Laying the paper on the counter, she uncapped the pen. With the tip touching the paper, the ink flowed out across the sheet of white leaving their names in the wake.

"They're bad?"

"He makes comments about the invasion, like it's my fault. I didn't talk Loki into unleashing an army. He thought up that psychotic thing on his own. I didn't do it. I think Stark forgot I was off in nightmare land."

"He's not holding you responsible."

"I know Stark pawns issues off on people when he's uncomfortable, but this isn't like the other times."

"He's blaming himself, and you know it."

"So there's something else to it?"

"There's nothing, Natasha. It's just him blaming himself."

Natasha looked at Steve. He was hiding something about Stark. Her fingers dropped the pen and gripped the paper. Her mind ran over a list of possible issues. She realized yesterday that the tree was involved. It made sense since he had made such a big deal over the Christmas decoration.

The paper shred easily into pieces in her hands. She then folded the pieces into bits and put them in a bowl.

"Look, Steve, if you don't want to tell me what's wrong with Stark, that's your own business. But maybe you could drop the hint that he needs to lay off Clint and I. There's nothing going on between us."

"Despite people's assumptions, Stark doesn't listen to anything I say."

She sighed. "That man needs a leash. A tight one."

"He's got Pepper."

"Who isn't doing her job!" Natasha snapped and picked up the bowl.

"Doing her job?"

"She should be keeping a muzzle on him."

"Isn't that a little harsh?" Steve asked, seemingly taken back by her sudden aggression.

Her eyes narrowed on him. "I don't know why you're trying to protect him. Is he really worth it?" She shook her head when Steve didn't response. "Fine, I'll play your little game, because I respect you. Warn him though; if he doesn't shape up, I'll make him suffer in every imaginable way possible."

She stormed from the kitchen with Steve in toe. The rest of the ground appeared to have explained the rules of Secret Santa to Thor. She took a deep breath, and held the bowl up.

"Okay Thor, you choose first."

Thor reached a hand in the bowl and pulled out a piece. He unraveled it.

"This parchment has Friend Archer's name on it. This means he is my Santa of Secret, correct?"

"That's not how it's played, Thor," Banner responded, attempting not to roll his eyes. "You're not supposed to tell who you have. That's why it's a secret."

"Put it back and try again," Natasha said, taking the paper and mixing it back in. Her eyes glanced toward Steve who was now gazing out the window. "Just don't give away any secrets."


	13. Tell Me No Lies

Steve walked down the sidewalk in step with Tony. Both men had their hands shoved deep in their pockets as the wind nipped at their noses and cheeks. Tony hadn't said a word since they left the tower twenty minutes ago.

"Whoever has Natasha for Secret Santa is doing a great job," Steve said, breaking the silence.

"She rigged it so birdie boy got her," Tony responded.

"She couldn't have. There's no possible way that could have happened."

Tony shrugged in response. Silence settled about them like newly fallen snow. Steve shook his head.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on, Tony?"

"There's nothing to tell."

"There must be something. You're ruining the holiday."

Tony looked towards him. "You think I'm ruining the holiday? Loki brought an entire army of Chitauri that destroyed half of New York and ruined countless lives, and I'm the one ruining the holidays?"

"That was back in April."

"That doesn't mean people aren't dealing with the consequences anymore."

Steve was silent for a few moments. "I didn't mean to make it seem like we weren't still dealing with it. At the moment, however, I'm more concerned as to what's wrong with you."

"Is there a reason you're trying to make something wrong with me?"

"You seem down. You've been ignoring Pepper. And you're always trying to pick a fight with Natasha—"

"This is about Natasha, isn't it? I didn't think she needed a mouth piece. Hers is pretty big."

Steve stopped. "No, you've been after all of us. It's not just her."

"I have yet to say anything to you, Wing Tips. Would you like me to start?"

He shook his head. "Stark, I—"

"Save it. I don't want to hear your analysis on the situation, what you think is wrong with me, or what you think I should deal with."

"Because I wouldn't understand?"

"You wouldn't get it. It's not something you can understand."

"You can tell me though. You could talk about this and maybe—"

"You don't get it, do you, Wing Tips? It's not ever going to be something you can wrap your mind around. You'll never understand it. Just like I'm never going to understand what it's like to be stuck in a freezer for seventy years and come out to a world I can't navigate through."

Steve paused as Tony walked away. "I know it doesn't seem like it, but—"

"Stop!" Tony snarled, and his gaze dropped towards the sidewalk as he paused. His eyes were narrow when he looked back. "Don't try telling me it's going to be okay. At the moment, it's not. Things don't get better from here. They get murkier. They get harder to sort through. And no matter what everyone says, in the end, everything does not turn out oh-kay."

He turned, and started forward again, leaving Steve standing there slightly shocked. He hadn't expected to hear an earful like that. Tony rarely spoke about issues that were close to the heart. While he hadn't revealed much, he had still revealed some—although it still left Steve wondering as to what exactly was wrong.

Shaking off the shock, he rushed to catch up with Tony. Music drifted through the air from a nearby church. Steve recognized the song as Little Drummer Boy. Upon reaching Tony, he put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him.

"I don't understand what you're going through. I don't understand everything that happened leading up to the invasion and through it. I wasn't there. And I'm not going to try to tell you everything is going to be okay." Steve cast a glance about them. They had entered a part of the city still littered with rubble and debris. "We are going to be left with scars though. It's bound to happen. You cannot go through a catastrophe and come out just fine. It's not possible."

Tony's looked away from Steve, his eyes settling on the church. "You believe in God, right Wing Tips?"

"I do."

"Then why would he have allowed all of this to happen? Why did he allow Loki bring the army? Why did he let all this confusion happen?"

"He doesn't control people, Tony. He doesn't change what they want. Loki wanted to attack."

"He could have stopped him."

"Then he would have been interfering. He doesn't interfere."

"Why not? Who doesn't want to save lives?"

"It's not about saving lives. It's about free will. Sometimes things happen because lessons come from it."

"This was a shitty lesson."

Steve shrugged. "It may be, but there is good that comes from it. It doesn't make everything okay, but there is always a silver lining. He does place people there to help, like us. Things would have been a lot worse had we not chosen to answer the call."

For a moment, Steve thought Tony was going to share everything. In the next instant the man had steeled himself to the world and shrugged him off.

"I have Christmas gifts to get." He walked off, leaving Steve alone.


	14. Falling in Loathe at a Coffee Shop

The soft, red scarf from her Secret Santa gift made her blue eyes shine. Small wisps of steam rose from her mug as she brought it to her lips and sipped the dark liquid.

"So Barton, why are we meeting at a coffee shop?"

It was a few moments before he realized she spoke. He blinked once and shook his head.

"I, uh, thought it would be a nice change. We usually get coffee at that noisy commercial joint—"

"I like Starbucks!"

The right side of his mouth twitched as he contained a smile. The fact she was defending the franchise was cute. He continued with a sigh. "It's so loud and busy in there. People walking in and out, in and out; it makes it hard to enjoy any..." He stiffened slightly.

"And what?"

Any time with you, almost left his lips. "Any… drink. And the other places we visit have coffee that tastes like mud and sticks. Anyway, Stark raves about this place."

"Course he would," Natasha said softly, her gaze shifting toward her mug.

"Am I missing something?"

She shook her head and a smirk lined her lips. Her blue eyes rose to his. "Nothing important. And this is a nice place. I like it a lot."

"Well it's quiet, and the coffee tastes decent."

"They're wild cherry tea is really good."

"You've been here?"

"A few times. Stark kept talking about it, so I just figured I'd try it."

Clint looked down at his coffee. "Oh..."

"Are you upset?"

"No, I was just hoping..."

"That you found some place nice? You did the other day. That Chinese place next to the emergency vet clinic was great."

"You can't beat low-priced orange cat and fried rice."

Natasha smiled. "So, how are you enjoying the holiday?"

"It hasn't really hit me yet. Sure, it's snowing, but it's nothing great so far."

"What'd you get from your Secret Santa?"

"The sun glasses I'd been admiring." He touched a hand to his head in acknowledgement. She hadn't noticed?

"You have been looking at those for some time now. That seems like a good start."

He shrugged. "I'm not in the mood."

"Not in the mood?"

"Yeah. I don't want to talk about Secret Santa."

"Then what are you in the mood for?"

He knew if he told her he was in the mood to shove her roughly against the wall and kiss her until she couldn't breathe but pleaded for more he would receive a bullet to the brain. Instead, he shrugged.

Natasha sighed and leaned back. The white mug made her red lips stand out—the soft lips he wanted to be kissing. He swallowed.

"What's wrong, Barton? Orange cat got your tongue?"

It wasn't the cat that got his tongue.

A jingle behind him caught his attention. Natasha looked over. "Steve and Tony just walked in."

"That should make this interesting," Clint said softly.

"Why?"

"You've been arguing with him nonstop like you're in a lovers' quarrel."

He was pretty sure it was the wrong thing to say as it left his lips, and his eyes widened slightly. Her gaze narrowed on him, confirming his suspicions.

"Is that what you think? You think I'm in a lovers' quarrel with him?" She shook her head as a frown appeared on her lips and she rose from the table. "You know what? Believe what you want. While you're off in la la land, I'm going to invite both of them over." She stormed off toward the register.

Clint leaned his head back and sighed.


	15. Do You See What I Don't?

"I don't want to go in that one."

"Stop being a child, Stark. Isn't this your favorite?"

"Not in the least. I prefer the chain shops."

Steve sighed as he walked up the stone path lined with a white picket fence and green shrubs. How they got this in the middle of New York was beyond him, but it made the small coffee shop attractive if you were looking.

He glanced at the window in the door. Di Immortales was inscribed on the glass. He knew Tony loved this place—recommended it to everyone. The man hadn't been there for months, however. Steve hoped that a visit here might make the mood lighter.

Steve pulled open the door; soft bells chimed alerting the employees to guests. He entered the building. Tony trudged in behind him, hands shoved deep in his pockets.

"Hel—"

Steve noticed the girl behind the counted stop midsentence. Her eyes were the size of quarters—focused solely on him—and her mouth hung open. His brow rose slightly.

Tony walked passed him and looked at her. "I need a cup of the strongest coffee you have. And get him a kiddie milk with a funky straw."

Steve sighed. "A coffee with cream and sugar please, ma'am."

The girl didn't move.

Tony snapped his fingers and glanced at her name tag. "Hey, Beth. You awake?"

The girl startled and turned her blue-grey eyes toward Tony. "S-s-sorry, sir. What can I get you?"

"A. Black. Coffee."

Steve stepped forward. "And may I have a coffee with cream and sugar?"

Beth nodded while making a sound similar to a mouse. She then turned around and started their order.

"Is she okay?" Steve questioned softly.

Tony shrugged, his eyes scanning the floor and counter for something interesting.

Steve turned his attention toward Beth who was mixing cream and sugar into a coffee mug. She turned, shaky cup in hand, and presented it to him.

"I-I hope you like it."

An eye brow rose. "Thanks?"

She blushed and nodded. Tony waved at her.

"Beth. Coffee. Black. Remember?"

"R-r-right. S-s-sorry!" Her cheeks turned bright red and she turned to get Tony's coffee.

"What's wrong with her?" Steve questioned softly.

Tony smirked. "It's been a while since you've been around females, hasn't it?"

He frowned. "I've never exactly been the most in tune with women."

Tony feigned shock. "You don't say!"

Steve rolled his eyes. "Just tell me what you're hinting at, Stark."

"Beth has a bit of a thing for you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you should ask her out. You know, on a date. Maybe a late night fondue."

He sighed and took a sip of his coffee. "No, Stark."

"Why not? Why can't you ask—"

Tony paused as Beth turned around and held out the coffee to Steve, her eyes locked on his. Tony intercepted it. "Thanks, Beth."

Steve turned to follow Tony to a table, only to be met with piercing blue irises.

"Gentlemen."

"Hello, Natasha—"

"Natalie?" Tony's eyes grew wide. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, Clint decided he wanted to try this place."

"On a date with the bird?"

"This isn't a date."

"No?"

"So, where are you sitting?" Steve interrupted.

"Over in the corner." She issued with her head. "Come sit. Clint's trying to figure out what's going on in… Well, whatever, he's thinking."

She led them toward a table in the corner where Clint sat glancing around.

He nodded as they walked up. "Stark, Rogers."

"Barton." Steve shook his hand.

"Legolas."

As they settled around the table, Steve glanced up to notice Beth staring at him. He quickly looked away, a bit unnerved.

"Beth I hear you calling, but I can't come home right now. Me and the boys are playing, and we just can't find that sound…"

Steve shoved Tony. "Stop singing that."

"KISS is a great band. I don't see why I shouldn't sing it."

"I'm not asking her out."

"Asking who out?" questioned Clint.

"The waitress, Beth." Tony glanced over. "She's been obsessed with Mr. Capsicle since we walked in the place."

Natasha looked over at Steve. "Why don't you want to ask her out, Cap?"

Steve shook his head.

"Is this about Peggy?" Tony questioned, with a dramatic sigh. "Look, it's time you moved on. Let her go. It's not like she was the only one."

Steve glanced at Tony with narrowed eyes, one brow raised in a dark question. "Are you saying she was somebody that I used to know, Stark? Is that the point you're trying to make?"

The billionaire picked up his coffee mug and sipped in response.

Clint glanced between the two of them. "Am I missing something?"

"Nothing at all," replied Steve; his voice taking on a harsher military tone.

Natasha watched Tony then looked at Steve. "Your coffee looks good."

Steve nodded; all desire to speak gone. He stared at his mug as his mind sorted out the events of the last few minutes.

It hadn't been about Peggy being gone from his life. Of course he would always wonder what if, but it wasn't stopping him from moving on. While Beth may have been a wonderful girl, he didn't feel as if she would be the one. He knew he was looking for someone, but he wasn't sure who it was.

He wondered if Tony felt the same. Sure, Tony looked perfectly happy with Pepper, but they had plenty of issues they kept burying under the rug. While Steve didn't understand that aspect, he knew what it was like to deal with loss and confusion as it seemed Tony was.

What it came down to in the end was the fact he wasn't ready for a relationship. He needed to figure out who he was in this new world. And right now, he was lucky to be keeping his head above water.


	16. Weary World

"In light of a recent candlelight vigil for those who were killed in the Chitauri attack earlier this year, questions have been aroused as to whether or not superhero identities should be made known to the public. Is it safe to let these masked saviors wander around with no one to answer to? New York City alone has several masked heroes, not including those who appeared in April. Are we really safe in the hands of these so called 'heroes'? Will they begin to take more matters into their own hands? Will they follow—"

"Jarvis, mute."

~CSC~

Banner watched the snow fall from the window that night. The team had been in the living room when the news anchor hinted at their fate. They were opening Secret Santa gifts; laughing at the new day's gifts. The laughter immediately ceased when the report came in. Everyone had been thankful when Tony muted it. No one had spoken about it since.

Banner adjusted his pillow as he gazed at the pure white specks floating gently down onto the sleeping world—the world that was considering persecuting them. He wouldn't have to adjust much; he was used to running. People like Tony though, what would he do?

He sighed. He had been waiting for the other shoe to drop. It was only a matter of time before something else came up. Life didn't allow good times to settle in and stay for a while. It did the opposite. It made the soul weary, and did its best to keep it that way.

~.*.~

Thor considered leaving. In Asgard, he would not have to deal with simple Midgardian upsets such as this. He didn't even need to abide by their rules. He was the Prince of Asgard, the God of Thunder, son of the great Odin; why let simple rules dictate him?

The man named Fury claimed it was because of him that Midgard needed a higher form of defense. In reality, that had sealed their fate. Other realms would take notice to this new possible threat and it would only be the demise of Midgard. They would need allies. Asgard could help in that matter, but only if Thor chose it to be so.

He settled for walking to the room the Man of Iron provide for him, and lying down. A good night's sleep would clear his weary mind, and allow him to choose his path at dawns first light.

~.*.~

Clint sat perched on the balcony of the roof overlooking the soft glow of the quiet city below. He shouldn't have been as surprised by the announcement that came hours ago. The city below was bound to place blame to someone. Should it have been them?

He shook his head wearily. Loki should be the one that had to pay. He was the reason they were now going to face investigation. That psycho god with his manipulative, disgusting personality… How was it that Asgard had not seen to his demise yet? If it was him, he would have killed Loki long ago.

He squirmed as his mind took him back down those paths where he was nothing more than a drone. He had told Loki about himself, about Natasha's secrets… The god had seen his favor toward Natasha. He knew how important she was. His fingers clenched as he remembered what she had told him.

"He said he wouldn't touch you. Not until he made you kill me slowly in every way you know I fear. He was going to allow you to wake just long enough to see what you had done, and then he was going to kill you too." Her eyes had a slight sheen across them.

If he had anything to say about it, he would kill Loki in every way that god feared. It was a joke that Asgard wouldn't allow them there for the trial. They should at least be allowed to testify. He had destroyed their world and was now destroying their lives.

He startled when the door shut behind him. He turned, climbing down from the wall. Her blue eyes sought his and his heart thumped a bit faster.

"Tash?"

~.*.~

She should have been opposed to going after Loki. She wasn't surprised that the world had reacted with this fear of superhero talk. People always feared what they didn't understand. What if they started hunting birds? She paled slightly.

Making her way from the living room to the balcony, she noticed Pepper storm from the study and make her way to the elevator.

"Are you okay, Miss Potts?"

She watched as Pepper froze, then slowly turned to face her; a smile plaster on her face.

"Of course, Miss Romanoff."

"I just watched you storm from the room."

She shook her head, keeping that Barbie smile firmly planted on her lips. "You know how Tony can be. He always wants his way. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a few things to see to."

Natasha watched as Pepper retreated into the safety of the elevator. When the doors shut, Natasha made her way to the study and peeked in.

Stark had moved a chair to face the massive window overlooking the dark city. He held a scotch in one hand.

"Are you okay, Stark?"

No reply came.

She shifted to her other foot and contemplated leaving. Her fingers gripped the door knob and began to shut it, before she halted. Something nagged at her and she needed to speak.

"Tony, people don't like what they fear. That's why we're under persecution. And you can't tell me you're surprised by the entire thing. But, just because people fear something, doesn't mean you can't trust it."

She wasn't surprised when he didn't respond to that either. She softly shut the study door and continued toward the balcony. Reaching the cold, night air, she looked up to find Clint sitting on the railing and she closed the door behind her.

He startled and turned toward her as he climbed down from the ledge.

"Tash?"

She hesitated for a moment before crossing distance between him. She wrapped her arms around his torso and leaned her head against his chest.

"Are you okay, Romanoff?"

"I just worry. There are so many unknowns now." She looked up at him. "What are we going to do Clint?"

"Is Black Widow afraid?" He smiled softly.

"We've all sacrificed so much to defeat Loki."

His head turned slightly to the side. "You're not making a lot of sense. What are you trying to say, Natasha?"

She released a weary sigh. "I know how things like this can turn out. I just… I don't want to lose you, Barton."

She felt his arms pull her closer, and he whispered in her ear. "You won't, Tash. I promise."

~.*.~

"Tony, are you ever going to tell me what's going on?"

He watched as the lights of the city flickered on, one by one.

"I thought you were trying to change?"

He swirled the Scotch in his hand around the glass once.

"So you're planning on reverting to the old Tony? After you've done so much, you're throwing in the towel?"

"You wouldn't understand, Pepper."

She appeared next to him.

"What wouldn't I understand? I've been there every step of the way."

Tony sipped his drink.

"Fine, if you're not going to share anything, then you can wallow in your own self pity."

Her heels slammed into the floor as she stormed out. Everyone says things they don't mean when they're hurt. He took another sip and watched as the weary lights twinkled before him.

"Are you okay, Stark?"

There were a few things he wanted to say to her, but he refrained. It was better to remain silent. The light from the hallway began to retreat from the room. It halted and he heard her again.

"Tony, people don't like what they fear. That's why we're under persecution. And you can't tell me you're surprised by the entire thing. But, just because people fear something, doesn't mean you can't trust it."

He wasn't surprised by the consequences of the invasion. He expected this was the way it would end. He had to look towards the future right?

The door clicked shut as the last of the light fled.

She had said something of concern though. Despite everyone else fearing something, that didn't mean he had too. People feared Banner when he was in the Other Guy form. That creature had saved him from death.

People feared Natasha. She had helped him out a few times over the course of their friendship; a friendship he was intentionally destroying. Everything that happened wasn't her fault, but he didn't want to sort it out right now. He wanted to blame her and drink away any other thoughts.

It was also destroying his relationship with Pepper. He wasn't a fool though. He had seen the way she looked at Happy long before any issues had come to light.

He sighed and swirled the remainder of the Scotch before downing it. He didn't bother to look up as the door behind him opened and the soft light from the hallway flooded the room.


	17. Peace and Goodwill

"Are you going to remain hold up in here for the entire Christmas season?"

Steve watched as he shrugged.

"You can't wallow in whatever misery you're going through. It's not healthy."

No answer.

Steve sighed as he walked over to the chair.

"Are you upset about the fact they are beginning to call for our blood?"

"It might actually make life easier, Steve."

He didn't expect Tony to react in that way. "You're okay with them rounding us up?"

"They tried to do the same with mutants. We've been on the brink of war for years. You can't pretend that you didn't see this coming. It was only a matter of time."

"You expected this?"

"I'm a futurist, right? I'm paid to create for the future. I'm not blind to the hatred of humanity."

"This is not the Stark I know."

"Knew."

"What?"

"Knew; the Stark you knew."

"What happened to you?"

He didn't respond.

Steve leaned against the glass and looked at Tony. "You're leaving us grasping at straws. You've never been like this. Why now? What happened to make you see life this way?"

Tony's eyes never left the city.

Steve lowered his voice. "I have my assumptions, but I can't be sure I'm right."

"Assumptions make an ass out of you and me."

"Why won't you talk about it?"

"Because it's not anyone's damn business." He looked up at Steve, revealing dark-circled, bloodshot eyes. "That's right. Tony Stark isn't talking about his personal life. It's not going in the press anywhere. No one needs to know, including you."

"We all went through—"

"No," he interrupted. "You all went through a little bit."

"Stop being so self-centered."

"Self-centered? You saw some of what I went through. You were there for some of it. Nothing's been the same since that happened."

"We all—"

"Stop grouping me in! You didn't go through the same thing. We're not the same. You know that!" He rose from the chair. "You can't just have these experiences… And they're… they're gone. They're over."

"And you won't talk to anyone? Not even Pepper?"

"Pepper's off with Happy. We've all seen it."

"Fight for her. She's not lost."

Tony turned from him. "You need to leave."

"Stark—"

"I said get out."

Steve looked at the ground before heading toward the door. He paused when he reached the door.

"Maybe I don't understand what you're going through, but I know what it's like to navigate through uncharted waters. I do it every day. I have to learn things, and figure out what's real and isn't. Christmas is hard on all of us, extremely hard. We all know what it's like to be outcasts. We all know what it's like not know how to deal. Stark, we all went through something traumatic. And we're all here for you.

"However, you need to stop acting like a child. We're all trying to move past this. You spend your time hiding, drinking away the ability to solve your problems. The senseless attacks on Natasha have got to stop. This season is about peace and good will towards all. You lashing out at her isn't helping the healing process.

"This holiday isn't about you, and that's what you're making it."

He opened the door to exit. When he looked back, Stark was staring at the city again.


	18. Ba Humbug

Steve watched as everyone opened their secret Santa gifts. Everyone had one, so Stark was still playing; despite the humbug spirit he portrayed. Steve hadn't seen him since last night, however. Pepper had laughed it off saying he had a lot of work to do, and probably wouldn't be around much. Steve knew a lie when he saw one.

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas came softly from the radio and Steve smiled. He knew this one. It was perfect timing. With the snow, tree, tinsel and gifts, Christmas was now fast approaching in their minds. It was about time, too. They all needed the cheer. He glanced over as Natasha pulled fabric from a box.

"Your secret Santa got you that dress?" Clint asked Natasha as he eyed the little red and black dress she held up.

"Yes," she replied with a wink. "I guess Fury will have to send us out on another mission."

He smirked. "I'm sure we could ask for one."

Steve's gaze moved toward Banner who stood off in a corner, gazing in a box. He walked over to the doctor. The look in his eyes was odd, like an unsure child.

"Banner?"

He startled and moved his fingers under his wire framed glasses against his eyes. Steve realized that he had been awed, attempting not to cry.

"Are you okay, doctor?"

Banner turned to him and nodded. "Ye…" He cleared his throat. "Yeah. I'm fine."

"What'd you get?"

The doctor moved the box so Steve could see. Inside was a soft, Polo shirt; navy blue in color.

"I never…" Banner paused again as he gazed at the simple gift. "I can't wear it."

"Why not?"

"It's new. I'll destroy it."

"You're better at controlling the Other Guy now. I don't see why you can't at least give it a try. It's a nice shirt."

Banner nodded as his fingers ran over the fabric. "It is a nice shirt."

Steve moved towards the couch. He glanced to Thor who was now learning the joys of a caramel covered apple. Whoever had picked Thor for Secret Santa had the easiest job in the world. Thor enjoyed anything food related. The six lovely covered apples he had received today would most likely not live to see the stars shine tonight.

Settling on the couch, Steve relaxed as the world seemed to finally right itself. He wished Stark had gotten over himself and joined, but sometimes you needed to cut your losses. He wasn't going to let Iron Man ruin his holiday.

A soft whir reached his ears, and a brow rose. The sound was coming from behind. He turned and saw a bluish light just outside the window. If he didn't know any better he'd think that was…

Steve jumped up as the winter wonderland scene exploded, sending shattered glass everywhere. Steve dove off the couch for his shield. He brought it up to defend the group as he heard the click of Natasha's pistols. He looked up to see the Iron Man armor hovering through the window. He feared Stark had been drinking again.

"Stark..." Steve warned.

"Get out!" Tony snapped.

Clint chuckled, despite the situation. "Calm down, Beast. We haven't touched your flower or anything."

Stark pointed a charged repulsar at Clint. "Get out!"

"Stark, don't!" Natasha lowered her pistols, and moved in front of Clint. "What's gotten into you?"

"I said get out!" he snarled and the tree became his next target.

A blast fired off at it as Steve and Natasha corralled everyone to the exit. The elevator opened with a soft ding. The team crowded into the elevator baffled by the sudden change in events.

Steve was the only one to look back before the doors closed, and what he saw saddened him.

Stark had sunk against the wall by the tree, faceplate up, gently touching the smoldering pine needles.


	19. Enjoy the Cobbler

Warm Peach Cobbler mixed with vanilla ice cream was a very rare treat. The silver spoon which brought it to his mouth was considered a best friend for helping obtain a moment of pure joy and peace; something which was even more rare. It was a memory of childhood long left behind. It was a comfort. It was happiness on a plate.

He watched a plate full of salad and chicken slide into the view of his good eye. He glanced up to see Maria accompany the food. His moment with the cobbler was fast slipping through his fingers.

"Agent Hill, what is it you think you're doing?"

"I know you like to eat alone, sir, but I think we really needed to talk."

"I am unavailable for questions right now."

"But—"

"Agent Hill, you know this is not the time, nor the place to have any damn conversations. If I take the time to sit down and eat, it is not to be bothered by whatever issue you don't think can wait til I'm done."

"Sir, it's about the press conference in a few days, the one that Stark is supposed to speak at."

Fury sighed and eyed her. His spoon tapped against the plate as he set it down. She wasn't going to leave until she got whatever it was off her chest. "What about it?"

"There were reports of a disturbance at Stark Tower last night." She picked up her fork and mixed her salad. Apparently she wasn't going anywhere. "He seems a bit off. Is it really smart to allow him to speak on behalf of everyone?"

"Stark always pulls it together at the end."

"But sir, he's nowhere near functional from what we've heard."

"It's the holidays, Agent Hill. Everyone is allowed to lose their mind at some point."

"But he—"

"Leave that damn man alone," Fury interrupted. "We've all be through a tragic year. You can't single him out as the only one that's being a Scrooge about it. There are a lot of people that despise this time of year and they each have their reasons."

She picked at her salad. "Aren't you worried about what he'll say?"

"I thought you were in charge of the note cards?"

"Well, yeah, but have you given him an ultimatum of what happens if he doesn't read verbatim?"

Fury looked down at his peach cobbler. He knew very well that Stark would do what he wanted, regardless of what was given to him or threatened. He learned long ago that the man was a wild card, and though he would never say it, he trusted that Stark's heart was in the right place. "Agent Hill, it's in a few days. Stark's been warned, and I don't care at this moment what he does. He can give the press conference in a reindeer outfit for all I care; I don't give a damn. For some reason you keep thinking that this is about him."

"He's going to be the face of this Registration Act."

Fury looked up at her. "Who said that's going through?"

Maria's eyes widened. "I thought that's what you were leaning towards?"

"I never said anything about that Act. It's about as stupid as that damn Mutant Act. And if that goes through it will make life much worse than anything we're having to deal with right now."

"But it will calm the fears of the citizens, sir."

"I don't care about the damn citizens, Hill. I'm worried the heroes that will get the short end of the stick on this. You can't see past your own fears to realize just how much worse it will be if Congress elects to make this a reality." He stood up and grabbed his sacred peach cobbler. "It will make the Chirtauri invasion look like a damn training exercise, and that's something I'm not electing to agree with it."

He turned from the table without giving her a chance to respond. At the moment, he frankly didn't care if she started cursing him out. He wanted his few moments of peace with the one luxury he afforded himself. Everything else could wait.


	20. What the Tree Alone Can Tell

Two days had passed since the tree incident. Steve entered the workshop to find Tony working half-heartedly on meaningless trinkets. He was glad to see that a Scotch wasn't close by. He pulled a stool over and sat beside the man. Tony set down the trinket, watching it without seeing it.

"Why did the tree have to be a Grand? Why not anything else?"

Tony blinked. "It doesn't matter."

"Doesn't matter?"

"No, the tree is gone and it doesn't matter."

"Well, it obviously holds some meaning, Stark."

Tony looked away.

"I don't know why you won't open up. We've all been through these things before and they're not laughing matters."

Tony shook his head. "Have you listened to a single word I've said?"

"I have. You seem to misunderstand that I know how it feels."

He stopped. "Look, I may be selfish, but this one time it's warranted. I'm allowed to be selfish. The world as I've always known it slipped out from beneath me and I'm still trying to figure it out."

"I've been there, I know how it feels."

"Get out of my workshop, Rogers."

Steve rose to leave when his attention was grabbed by something white glinting on the desk. Glancing at it he noticed it was a white wolf ornament. "Is that—"

"I'm telling you, get the fuck out. This conversation is finished."

_~CSC~_

_"Are you listening, Tony?"_

_The fifteen year old nodded despite not fully being aware. His father, Howard, was actually inviting a colleague and his family to Christmas dinner. His mother had been rushing around with last minute preparations, making sure everything was in order._

_"The tree is important, Tony."_

_"It's a just tree, dad."_

_"It's a very special tree this year."_

_Tony glanced at the arbor in question. It was tall, with white lights and red and white ornaments. He didn't see what was so special about it. He did sometimes wish that the ornaments didn't have to be the same; maybe he'd like the tree better._

_"Are you even listening?"_

_"Sure, dad. This year's tree is special."_

_He slumped against the couch. If only his father would refer to him how he referred to the tree. Howard spent less and less time with him as he grew up. The fact that he fawned over a tree, but couldn't fawn over his only child that way was disturbing. Not all children could be bought—Tony couldn't._

_He put on a good face for the guest and his family. He nodded and answered questions politely during dinner. He finally escaped from everyone, and sat staring at the oh-so-special tree. It wasn't long though, before he heard footsteps behind him. He plastered a pleasant look on his face and turned to see his father._

_"Needed to get away?"_

_Tony turned towards the tree and rolled his eyes. Howard always liked to pretend he knew what Tony was thinking. He sat up straighter as his father took a seat next to him; a gift held between his hands._

_"They wanted to give you this."_

_Tony took the small box wrapped in shiny navy blue and white striped paper, and placed it on his lap. He picked apart the wrapping, no longer trying to cover his annoyance in the ordeal. A white box lay beneath the paper. Opening the lid, he was forced to move aside silver tissue paper. Cradled within was a white wolf ornament with jade eyes. In the right light, its paws would glint gold._

_There was a part of Tony that absolutely loved the gift. This was a real ornament, not one of the drone ones seen on the tree. He wanted to hang it in the center of the tree for all to see._

_On the other hand, it was a pretty ridiculous gift. A wolf? It held no meaning for him. There was the age old saying 'wolf in sheep's clothing'. The creatures weren't very respected; mostly feared._

_"Great, dad. I'll make sure to thank them before they leave."_

_Howard pulled the wolf from the box and gazed at it. "They asked what they could get you. I recommended a wolf ornament. I know it's always been a dream of yours to hang collected ornaments from the tree instead of those generic ones."_

_Tony thought it was a little late in life for that._

_"The wolf has a lot of uncertainty surrounding it," Howard continued. "They're often referred to as evil. But Tony, you mustn't judge a book by its cover. It is not the wolf that doomed itself to that fate. Humans have. We deliberately and mistakenly perceive them to be evil; we associate it with our mythologized epitome of a savage, ruthless killer. The cold truth is, we turned it into what we can become, given the circumstances._

_"It is true, the embodiment of them is fury, chaos and brute wilderness; they are not to be tamed by any normal person. But when you look closely, they are more. They represent a dual nature of nurture and destruction. They are one of the most intelligent, loyal, and sociable of animals. They can survive on their own just fine, but they are strong when they live and hunt co-operatively in a pack._

_"The wild born into the creature is something that should be revered, not destroyed. The wild is its greatest strength. Its greatest asset is its intelligence which tempers, balances and directs its fierce nature into a positive manner. If you look at the creature as it stands, Tony, they are magnificent."_

_Tony looked up at his father who was now watching him._

_"You are like this wolf, Tony. You show the savage, ruthless killer needed in business. People will twist your words and try to transform you into something cruel, but you have the intelligence not to let this world destroy who you truly are. You have the strength to stand firm and show them you are more than what they make of you. You can shape this world into something better. You can be a life changer. And while you are more than capable of being a lone wolf, you will learn you are stronger in a pack. You will learn the fact that you are very loyal to those you love will get you further than anything else in this world; even money."_

_Howard rose from the couch and walked to the tree. After removing a bulb ornament, he placed the wolf in the center of the tree. Tony watched the light catch it, causing it to glimmer._


	21. Mayans, You Get a Gold Star

Natasha leaned back against the chair. The smells of baked goods and coffee reached her nose. From time to time the jingle of a bell rang in the back ground. She looked at the four men seated with her in the back corner of the small shop. They all had been through so much recently, and one of them had been giving her spectacular Secret Santa gifts. She adjusted the red scarf on her neck.

"I'm just asking, what if the world ended today? Would you have accomplished everything you wanted?"

"Clint, there are a million reasons why the world isn't ending today," Natasha said and sipped her coffee.

"But _what if_ it did? I'm not saying it is, I'm just saying what if."

"What do you mean, Midgard is ending?"

Banner looked at Thor. "A civilization called the Mayans predicted that the world would end on December 21st, 2012."

"Yeah, except their wheel calendar just didn't go out that far," Natasha said.

"And it says in Revelation that no one knows the date or time," Steve added.

"But they did predict the death of Dick Clark and Twinkies." Clint sipped from his mug.

Thor's head snapped towards Clint. "They are the foul race that ended the spongy-yellow cakes with cream frosting?"

Clint smirked and Natasha covered her mouth in a weak cough masking a chuckle. Another jingle of bells was heard in the background.

Banner shook his head. "Their calendar did not predict the end of Twinkies, the economy did."

"Stop lying to him, Banner," Clint said. "Of course they are the reason Twinkies no longer exist."

Thor grabbed his hammer. "Where do I find them?!"

Clint choked on his coffee.

Steve rolled his eyes. "Thor, the Mayan civilization crumbled hundreds of years ago."

"Then how did they destroy the spongy-yellow cakes?"

"Through magic," Clint whispered.

"Shut up, Clint!" Natasha slapped him. "Thor will go on a rampage searching for them. We don't need to be fixing misunderstandings with this Superhero thing creeping in."

Clint watched Natasha with wide eyes. He probably hadn't expected her to act out that way.

"Thor, it was just the economy and Hostess decided to shut down. There are other companies that make mock treats of what Hostess did. They weren't the only one." Tony stood on the edge of the group, holding a cup of coffee.

Natasha looked up, along with the rest of the group, silence infiltrating their once flowing conversation.

"Never thought I'd end up on this side of the fence." Tony clicked his tongue against the top of his mouth.

"Friend Stark, you have not been amiable as of late. We are unsure as to what mood you will greet us in," Thor stated.

Tony shrugged. "Well, everyone goes through seasons. Are you going to let me sit?"

"Are you going to leave me alone, Stark?" questioned Natasha.

He hesitated for half a second before nodding. "Fine, I'll be as nice as I can, Natalie. But I don't make promises."

Natasha eyed Tony before moving over, allowing room for him to pull up a chair beside her. He settled into the chair and glanced at her, almost apologetic. A brow rose as she attempted to determine his real intentions.

"So, if today _was_ your last day to live," Clint said. "What would you do?"

Silence again fell over the group. Natasha glanced about the group, each now in deep thought. What would she do with her last day?

"I would fight for valor, and return to make sure my mother and the All-father know I care for them deeply," Thor stated after a few minutes.

"I would find a way to change a life," Banner spoke up sometime later. "Just one life is all I would hope for. Not so that I could feel better about myself, but so that I could make a difference to them."

Clint leaned back on his chair, his attention on the ground. "To tell those I care most about that I love them." He glanced quickly toward Natasha then back at the floor. "I just would want them to know that they would also be the last people I thought about before the end."

Natasha felt her heart flutter as she glanced around the group. She knew they were all thinking there was something between Clint and her—she admitted nothing.

Her mind turned to thinking over what she would do with her last day on Earth. What would she do?

"I would spend it where I grew up," Steve said after a while. "I would visit the places that were still around from when I grew up. I would reminisce, say my goodbyes to those closest, and accept that I will soon be with those who have gone before me."

After allowing a few more minutes to pass, Natasha looked around the group. "I would spend it with all of you." Her hand reached over and patted Clint's knee. "Whether it comes across or not, you are my family. You all have accepted me, and that's something very rare for me. No one wants to be friends with a Russian under the codename Black Widow, much less when they find out her name is Natasha Romanoff. So, in saying I would spend it with all of you, I also want to thank you for caring."

The others murmured their responses, but her attention turned to Tony, who was more interested in the floor than anything going on around him. The group quieted down, all returning to their drinks. She wasn't surprised that Tony wasn't forth coming. She shifted to fill her cup, when Tony cleared his throat.

"I'm not one for these types of things, obviously. I'd rather crack jokes. This year hasn't been easy on me, but I would spend it alone. After the things that have happened in my life, it's been much easier to avoid any holidays and emotions. I haven't been the most pleasant to be around, and I'm not expecting you to be around me. I would just prefer to be alone with my Scotch, and go off quietly into the night."

Natasha caught the lifted brow of Steve. Something about the comment didn't sit well with Captain America, but he didn't utter a word.

"So, about there being Twinkie look-a-likes… Do you think we can get some?" Banner asked, breaking the awkward tension that had descended on the group.

"Anyone need refills?" asked Clint. "I'll be happy to go get another round."

Natasha watched as the men around her shifted uncomfortably with the offering of feelings. She sighed with a smirk. _Great job, Mayans. You got men to be honest and feel uncomfortable. You get a gold star._


	22. Grand Fir Says

He was shocked to be walking through the park with Tony. What baffled him even more was the fact that Stark had requested this. Steve thought momentarily that he would open up, but they had both been silent since they left the tower. The only sound came from the snow crunching beneath footfalls.

Steve cleared his throat. "Are you and Pepper...?"

"I don't know," he shrugged. "I have to accept the fact she may very well be in love with Happy."

"You're okay with that?"

"I can't change her mind."

"Is that why you've been upset?"

Stark sighed. "With everything going on, Steve... Why would I be selfish over that? I may lose Pepper, but maybe it wasn't meant to be. Regardless, I'm not the first person to lose a lost love. Many people lost more than I have this year. They're still managing."

Steve was surprised to hear how stable Stark sounded. Maybe the past few weeks of out lashes had actually been therapeutic—for Stark alone. Therapy might be better in regards to everyone else. "You're dealing with what then?"

"A midlife crisis? Look at me; rich, powerful, adored. Everyone wants to be me and yet… I don't want to be."

"You don't want to be? When have you ever not wanted to be you?"

Tony shrugged and allowed silence to lapse between them again. Steve watched as the lights around the park came on; twinkling before the stars had a chance too.

"It has meaning."

Steve looked at Tony. "What?"

"The tree, it had meaning."

"I sort of assumed that."

He looked at Steve. "Last Christmas, I was alone and the tree was the one thing that reminded me of everything I had forgotten and lost. It reminded me of the happier Christmases of days past."

"So you destroyed this years?"

"Drinking wasn't working."

"And talking didn't cross your mind?"

"When do I ever spill my emotions, Wing Tips?"

"What about the wolf—"

"That's still not up for discussion."

Steve sighed. "Fury's going to run some psychological tests on you."

"We all know I'm volatile, self-obsessed and I don't play well with others. What are more tests going to tell them?"

"No, I think this more along the lines of self-help."

"They're sending me to Dr. Drew's rehab? Isn't that a bit extensive?"

Steve shook his head. "You don't think this is serious, Stark?"

"Ink blobs aren't going to help me."

"Stark."

He sighed. "I know it's serious, Wing Tips. Why do you think I'm cracking jokes about this? I went Grinch on the Christmas tree a few days ago."

"Actually, the Grinch just folded up the Christmas tree, he didn't destroy it."

"I would reference the one movie you've seen in the wrong way." He sighed. "I keep thinking…"

"Thinking what?"

Stark shook his head. "It doesn't matter."

"It must matter. You brought it up."

"You may be fine in the icy weather, but I need a coffee and some heat. Let's go Capsicle."

Steve was taken back by Stark's sudden switch of topics. He watched wide eyed as Tony shoved his hands in his pockets and walked towards the exit of the park. Perhaps he didn't understand everything Iron Man was going through. Maybe there were some things he was never going to understand.


	23. Half the Battle

He stood at the edge of her room, pursing his lips and rocking on his feet. His hands were gripped behind his back, and his thumbs twiddled. He could see her sitting on the balcony, cup of coffee in her hand as night settled around the city; heavy jacket hiding her features. He glanced quickly up and down the hall, before he entered and navigated his way toward the terrace. His fingers moved to grip the sliding glass door and slid it open with a soft woosh. Her eyes immediately sought out the perceived intruder. He cleared his throat.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all, Banner." She smiled. "How are you?"

He stepped onto the balcony and slid the door shut behind him. "Can't complain. Christmas is in two days."

She nodded and looked out over the city. "It is. Are you excited?"

"It'll be my first Christmas I've spent with people in a long while. I don't know how to feel."

A frown formed on her lips. "You know we're all here for you now. Right, Banner?"

"You've said."

"I'm serious."

"I…"

She turned to him. "What's on your mind? I know you have something you want to say. That's why you sought me out, correct?"

He took a deep breath. "Natasha, I wanted to apologize… for what happened on the helicarrier in April. I almost hurt you, I tried to kill Thor, I—"

"Fought the Chitauri with no regards as to what might happen to you. You saved Tony Stark. Do you want to continue to apologize for everything your other half does? I think in those two actions alone, you well made up for what happened on the helicarrier."

"But Natasha—"

"No." Her eyes caught his. "It's the same with Clint. You both blame yourselves for what happened. You can't. This is about what Loki did to you. It's his fault. He's the one who turned this into such a big mess. He's the reason we're struggling to enjoy this holiday. But you know what, Banner? We should be thanking him right now."

Confusion settled across his face. "I don't follow that logic."

"You stated you've been alone for several Christmases. Tony was alone last Christmas. Steve was frozen or defrosting or adjusting. Clint was sitting by his deceased parents grave. I was working an assignment. Thor's the only one who had a good time. He was up in rainbow land feasting on roast hog and drinking mead."

He shrugged.

She laughed through her sad smile. "This is the first holiday I've taken off since I can't remember when. I'm actually going to spend time with this nut house, because I want to. We're all spending the holiday together because we want to. Before Loki we had no reason to enjoy the holidays together. He brought us together. He's the reason we can sit together at Christmas like the odd family we are. I know it seems strange, but I'm thankful in a way for what he did, because he made people see what's important."

He leaned against the wall. "I can't argue with that."

"Good. I didn't want you to. As for you, sure, you turn into a huge green giant, but that doesn't make you a monster. You already know what your issue is, and that's half the battle. The other half is trying to figure out how to control him permanently. Here or there is just fine, but permanently would give you a sense of peace. That should be your New Year's Resolution."

He laughed darkly. "So that next year when I can't control him, I can consider it a year wasted?"

"Who completes their resolution, Banner?" She laughed. "People make outrageous ones and then five minutes later they realize it was a dumb idea and quit it."

"So, you don't want me to control the Other Guy?" he jested.

She smiled. "I do. I'm just saying, make it a goal. You're bound to hit road blocks and you might not accomplish it in the coming year, or the year after that, but one day you will. Look forward to that day. And remember, we're all here for you. You have a support system now."

He looked over the city as the stars twinkled at him. Despite not wanting to admit it, she was right. They had to thank Loki on some level. And while he had been working on controlling the Other Guy in the past, progress had stalled because there wasn't anyone there for him. He had been all alone with no one to keep pushing him. He nodded after some time.

"I will work on controlling him, if for no other reason than the five of you." He smiled softly. "But, I want to learn for myself. I deserve it."

She walked over to him and kissed him on the cheek. "You do, Banner. You deserve that and so much more."

"Won't Clint be mad you just kissed me on the cheek?"

"Don't tell him."

"Are you dating him?"

She smirked at him and looked back over the city; settling into comfortable silence beside him.


	24. Little Drummer Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little Drummer Boy by Josh Groban was the song behind this.

He walked the streets, avoiding the sections still littered with rubble. The others had some revelation throughout the month that led them to a more peaceful holiday season. He had kept up the charade—not very well—that things were fine. He was Tony Stark; of course things were fine.

Well, Steve knew he was lying. And after the Christmas tree incident the rest of the team knew as well—they'd have to be blind not to see him coming unhinged. So, perhaps he was just trying to fool himself.

A soft melody resounded in the silence around him. Looking up toward the noise, he saw a large church stood on the right—the church he passed days ago with Steve. He assumed the Christmas service must be going on—his mother used to take him and his father to those when he was a child.

_Come they told me, pa rum pa pum pum_

Continuing on his way to the tower, Tony shook his head as flecks of snow started to gather in his hair. He remembered that song. It was common for this time of year; most places played it.

_Our newborn King to see, pa rum pa pum pum_

He had never been the overly religious type. Occasionally he said the off prayer, but it was never anything devote and certainly never enough to force him into a church when he got older.

_Our finest gifts we bring, pa rum pa pum pum_

_To lay before the King, pa rum pa pum pum_

_Rum pa pum pum, rum pa rum pa pum pum_

Tony shook his head. Who really needed gifts? Especially the Son of God. He was considered a king among men and the idea of fine gifts was outrageous to Tony. People poorer than him bringing him gifts? He was selfish, but not _that_ selfish.

_So to honor Him, pa rum pa pum pum_

_When we come_

He froze. He had never really listened to the lyrics before. They magi weren't bringing gifts out of obligation. The gifts were for something greater than that; they meant something more.

He glanced to the right. Beside the church sat a giant manger scene. It held the normal donkeys, cows, and lambs on the right side. An angel stood perched on top. Three plastic wise men were off to the left, leaving Joseph, Mary, and eight pound, six ounce, newborn Baby Jesus in his golden, fleece diaper centered in the middle of the scene.

_Little baby, pa rum pa pum pum_

_I am a poor boy too, pa rum pa pum pum_

Tony's jaw clenched as he continued to stare. How was it that being wealthy still left you feeling empty? After everything: the money, the women, the king-like status; he was still hollow inside. In reality, he was a poor boy, too. When you took away status, who was he really? His parents were deceased. His relationship was rocky at best. He couldn't place claim to Iron Man; it was only a metal suit.

_I have no gift to bring, pa rum pa pum pum_

He gave to charities and the like, but in reality, he was just as selfish as the next man—maybe more so. He had nothing to offer.

_That's fit to give out King, pa rum pa pum pum_

_Rum pa pum pum, rum pa pum pum_

He felt the urge to turn away from the manger. Between the events of last year and pretty much the story of his life, what good was he? The plastic eyes of the baby Jesus were too much for him.

_Shall I play for You, pa rum pa pum pum_

He rubbed his arms, fighting off the nipping cold.

_On my drum_

_On my drum_

Tony always marched to the beat of his own drum. He rarely had regard for others. It was either his way or the highway. Instead of lifting his spirits, this song was dragging him further into the trenches. He had to move away.

_I play my drum for Him_

He covered his ears to get the ringing out of his ears. He wasn't going to be singing this song all night long.

_So to honor him_

He froze again as a flash of that fateful day eight months ago rushed past his mind's eye. If he hadn't marched to the beat of his own drum, Manhattan would cease to exist. If he hadn't gone against what others warned him not to do, that nuke would have taken out New York City along with more innocent lives. His eyes glanced to the manger and settled on the Virgin Mary.

_Mary nodded, pa rum pa pum pum_

As his hands left his ears, a jagged breath left his lips. What would his own mother think of what he had become and what he had done?

_The ox and lamb kept time, pa rum pa pum pum_

Fury and Steve had supported his decision of where to take the nuke. In some ways, Fury had almost encouraged it.

_I played my drum for Him, pa rum pa pum pum_

Tony had done what needed to be done to save countless lives.

_I played my best for Him, pa rum pa pum pum_

_Rum pa pum pum, rum pa pum pum_

By marching to his own beat, he had been labeled a hero. Was he truly deserving of it? He didn't believe so. He had just been an arrogant bastard as always. His eyes drifted to the baby Jesus.

_Then he smiled at me, pa rum pa pum pum_

_Me and my drum_

Tony's lip quivered. In some strange way, the plastic baby acknowledged what he had done for mankind. He had been willing to lay down his own life to save others, just like the tales of the savior in manger. There were strong differences in the meaning of sacrifice when it came to that, but nonetheless, Tony had been willing to give his life for others.

The baby also acknowledged that everything wasn't okay. His life had been in turmoil ever since the attack. It had been tricky to navigate the uncharted waters and so many issues had left him feeling empty. Despite all this though, the eyes that were focused on him let him know that if he could make it through to the next day, everything would eventually be okay. Everything would eventually work out.

"Thanks." He nodded at Jesus, silence filling the air around them. After a few deep breaths, he turned. His footsteps then took him home as a soft tune came from his lips. " _Me and my drum…_ "


	25. The King's Speech

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music for this is Better Days by Goo Goo Dolls.
> 
> Hoped you enjoy this! Let me know! Reviews are appreciated!

The stiff, white cards were gripped in his rigged fingers as the cameras all red-lighted him. He was used to this sort of thing. He shouldn't have a problem. He cleared his tight throat.

"In light of the tragic events of this year, I am here to give you a recap of what's been happening. This year has been tough for all of us. It will not replace who we've lost nor what has happened but our enemy is..."

He paused. Did they even know the enemy?

"Our enemy…"

He looked over the audience.

Banner was staring at his hands, Natasha was curled into Clint, blinking away tears as he held her tight; Thor sat straight, gazing at something in the distance. Fury stood in the back of the room. Agent Hill stood next to him shifting nervously from foot to foot.

"Our enemy is…"

Steve was watching him with a curious look. He gave a curt nod.

Tony placed the cards on the podium. He hadn't wanted to be lied to. Should these people be bamboozled as well by the white lies in his hands? He knew how _he_ felt, and these people deserved better. He cleared his throat again.

"For some reason people believe I will actually read what's scripted. I thought they learned long ago I'm not the scripted sort of guy. I'm here to give you the facts. The truth is… No one expected Loki to attack. It was brutal. And senseless. And there are still investigations going on as to why he lost his mind. It may seem terrifying to think he's not being punished by how we do things here on Earth, but Asgard will punish him as they deem fit and that's worse than any of us can imagine.

"But that's not really what you want to hear. No. It's not what I wanted to hear. While I want someone to pay for disrupting my life, it's _not_ going to help me in any way. The people that I've lost are never coming back. The ones I once considered close… we now have a wedge driven between us and I don't know if it will ever come out."

He stopped and closed his eyes. The world was still going to be before him when they opened again. After a deep breath, he slowly scanned across the sea of faceless watchers.

"I don't want to be told that things are going to get better. I don't want to be told, things will be brighter one day. That day is _not_ today. Today, I have to navigate through loss and confusion. Today, I have to wear this suit and pretend everything is alright and make speeches about things I'm supposed to understand. Today, I _still_ have to deal with the fact that life is not as I thought it was.

"And guess what? I don't have the answers you're looking for, and I don't want to tell you it's going to be okay. Because. Right now. I _know_ it's not. And I know you do too. Honestly though, the only thing I want… is to make it through this day.

"You see, I know if I can make it through today, I'm one step closer to making it through tomorrow. And if I make it through tomorrow, I'm one step closer to feeling as normal as I can be again."

His gaze reached the back where a flicker of jade caught his eye, but disappeared before he was certain he saw it. He took another deep breath and looked down at the wooden podium.

"I've made mistakes lately; more than I'd care to admit. I've said and done some things I shouldn't have. I'm also on the hit list of several people due to these decisions. In the end, however, it's all come at a cost higher than I wanted to pay—higher than I _could_ pay, and now I'm stuck with a penance I can't afford."

He looked up at the audience. "You see, I can level with you and say I've lost people too. We all have. And whether physically or mentally, we will _never_ be the same. This isn't a Lego world in which we can take things apart and put them back together the same way. We can rebuild, but it will _never_ be as it once was. People fall apart and are ripped from our lives; you can't recreate them and bring them back." He swallowed. "That is something I must accept, and with a heavy heart… I'm trying too. The world cannot go on as it has. We must adapt and change with it, because... because that's what we were born to do."

Tony remained motionless as his eyes settled on the podium again. He took a deep breath and nodded. Before he fully realized what was happening, the steps to the stage were under his feet and he found himself behind the curtains, hiding from the world. Pepper approached him.

"The speech was really nice, Tony. What inspired it?"

He shook his head, chasing thoughts from his mind. "Just… Just me, Pep. Let's go. We'll be late."

~CSC~

Tony watched as the team walked in. Their faces lit up with raised brows and mouths opened in shock.

The room was adorned with Christmas decorations. The windows were covered again in a winter wonderland. Santa rode across on a green and red sleigh pulled by eight tiny brown reindeer with Rudolph and his glowing red nose leading the way. Snowflakes hung sporadically from the ceiling; their glitter sparkling in the fading light. A newly bought manger scene sat at the base of a large Grand Fir tree, which was decorated in white lights, and ornaments, and a golden angel sat atop of it.

"You did this, Tony?" Natasha asked, stepping forward and gazing at the tables lined with runners and garland or wreaths.

Tony nodded as he saw Steve look the tree up and down. He wasn't surprised that Wing Tips saw the wolf in the center of the tree. "We all need a little Christmas spirit, right?"

Banner's eyes dropped to the bottom of the tree where presents sat waiting to be opened. "Where did the gifts come from?"

"Did you miss the fact I'm a billionaire, Banner?"

"This is nice," Clint said, eying the mistletoe. "It looks nice."

Thor floated over to a table filled with food and sweets. "You have replaced the éclairs of chocolate!"

"Just for you, Break Point. And just to let you know, S.H.I.E.L.D. agents will be arriving soon. So let's open those Secret Santa gifts."

"You decided to invite them after all?" asked Natasha.

"As stated, we all need a little Christmas Spirit."

Before long, wrapping paper was scattered across the floor as gasps radiated from mouths in reveal of their final gifts and who had who. Steve received the keys to a larger apartment with a gym inside from Clint. Clint received a vacation for two to a Caribbean island from Banner. Banner received a few science toys and a gift card to Macy's from Thor. Thor received a huge Partridge Farms food basket from Natasha.

When Natasha opened her final gift and saw the two pistols she had been admiring for months, her jaw dropped.

"I know I'm an ass, Natalie, but I still know what you like," Tony said with a smirk. "I hope you and the bird get good use out of the guns and dress."

For a moment it looked like she was going to cry and hug him. Instead, she cleared her throat, blinked, and ran her fingers over the smooth steel. "Thanks, Stark."

As S.H.I.E.L.D. agents began to arrive, Steve pulled Tony onto the balcony with a medium sized box that read _From Your Secret Santa_. Music drifted onto the balcony.

" _As you asked me what I want this year, and I try to make this kind and clear, just a chance that maybe we'll find better days…"_

"Are you going to propose to me, Wing Tips? I'm going to have to think about it."

Steve handed Tony the box. "Just open it."

_"'Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings, and designer love and empty things, just a chance that maybe we'll find better days…"_

Tony took the gift in his hands. It didn't feel very heavy for its size. He shook it and a dull swoosh was heard from inside. What had Steve gotten him?

"You really didn't need to get me anything as a last gift."

The red and gold wrapping paper relinquished its hold, revealing a jade green box. Tony glanced up at Steve who watched him as if he knew every last one of Iron Man's secrets. Tony swallowed as he pulled open the flap and white tissue paper with gold trim filled the inside. He reached in a hand, moving aside the paper, and came across a hard, round object.

Pulling it from the box, his brows rose. In his hand was a beaten up, half-charred replica of the training sphere from Star Wars. His shoulders slumped.

"That's the reason you're upset, right? Because of ghosts that haunt you? All the people you've lost? Memories you don't want to have? Between the tree issue, the ornament, and the things you've said…"

The box dropped from Tony's hand as it moved to touch the sphere. He nodded, not removing his eyes from the sphere. He cleared his throat. "Th-thanks, Steve."

"I know I can't fully understand what happened. I'm not trying to. But I am here for you."

He nodded as his fingers slid over the bronze surface, making sure it was real.

"I know at times it seems like it was a bad dream, but everything is real," Steve continued. "The invasion was no exception. We've all faced horrible things, but you have to look toward the future. There is rebuilding; not just of structures, but of friendships and relationships. There is hope. Like you said, we are built to adapt and move on. And you're not alone this Christmas. We're all here for you."

Tony looked up at Steve as both hands wrapped protectively around the sphere. It was a few minutes before he spoke. "It's just been… tough. I've never questioned who I was—never had to. But you're right. We have to look toward the future. Are things going to be perfect? No. Will something else come of the attack? Most likely. We shouldn't be hanging up our uniforms yet.

"But, there is hope. We can rebuild. We will adapt. And there are better days ahead."

**Author's Note:**

> For more information (or if things don't add up) see my profile for disclaimers


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